I want to be real honest with you all about this journey Kerry and I are on. We’re just like most people, we think we know how difficult it is to walk through something, and we sympathize/empathize the best we all can, but until we actually walk through the fire of it, we really don’t know how very difficult some days can be. I won’t try to compare our journey with that of others. Comparisons don’t help, they rob us all of the joy and peace that come from leaning into Papa’s arms during the storm. One of the many things we have gained is a deep-level of compassion for those who go through this. We didn’t know. Now we do. Its a club we never sign up for (no one does), but found ourselves in it, regardless.
Most days are good and then others are really good. But there are some days in the first week and a half, that with all the after effects (there’s no such things as “side effects”) of traditional cancer treatments that I’m going to be real honest with you: they absolutely suck, they drain me emotionally, physically, and mentally. Consequently, they drain Kerry, too. Spiritually, and in the essence of my soul, though, I’m living in the middle of the goodness of God and find all my rest in Him. And, I am also using a plethora of supplements, oils, all the right foods, etc to combat the after effects and boost the good effects of cancer-killing drugs! I know this is the path Jesus took me down, whether I wanted to do it, or not. (I didn’t, just so you know!) But I hate all the after effects. I mean, I hate them. And somedays I have total meltdowns. Last night was one of those times. When all the 20 or so after effects happen all at once and they last for days, I feel my resistance to the pressure of it all weaken and I crumble or I get angry. I did both.
How does one get out of that place? You don’t. I have learned to hold it closer and let Holy Spirit invade my space with His peace and love that drives out all fear. The thoughts of His enduring love and goodness washed over all the sadness, pain and anger. Sleep came, and today is still a bit of an emotional ride, but He’s riding the roller coaster with me, and with us. We also take solace being reminded that the effects will begin to end once the drugs end.
This is where the goodness of God is in all of this: right in the middle of us, right in the middle of our family. Right in the middle of the pain, right in the middle of the fire, and the flood. His goodness goes beyond anything the enemy tries to do. If our Papa isn’t bigger than the enemy’s schemes, we need to get a different one. Therefore, we choose to refuse to spend our time thinking or talking to the enemy about our situation. he doesn’t deserve our attention. he does not challenge us. he wants us to think he does, but he’s been a liar from the beginning. Our Papa, our Abba, our Daddy, deserves all our focus and passion, and we are challenged to trust completely in His utter goodness and His thoughts about us. He alone is our Healer, our Deliverer, our Hope and our Trust. Our Rock, our Shield, our Fortress, our Strong Tower. Our Beginning and Completion of our faith. His Goodness is eternal and omnipresent! Where else do we find our Hope? All Goodness is found in Him! He is Goodness and Grace, Mercy and Truth.
Don’t be afraid to trust Him and be challenged by His Goodness. The abundant life Jesus came to give flows from this truth.
“But He answered me, ‘My grace is always more than enough for you, and My power finds its full expression through your weakness.’ So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 TPT
Thanks for reading. Be blessed with His breath!
Wild Fire Ministries 
Toni, thank you for your faith-filled and honest post. We are standing with you in your struggle. For those of us who have suffered with physical pain the “God is good” is not just a catchy saying. It is a reality. He is good all the time.
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